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Red Flag or Green Flag: The Couples Game

Checking your phone without asking. Listening without interrupting. Bringing up old fights. Rate each behavior as a red flag or a green flag, then see if your partner draws the line in the same place.

  1. 1Pick a round and type both names.
  2. 2Player 1 rates every behavior as a red flag or a green flag, then hands the phone over.
  3. 3Player 2 rates the same behaviors. You see where your standards match.
Pick a deck

One phone, two players. You both answer the same questions, then see where you match.

All 96 questions

Round 1

Relationship behaviors

  1. Your partner wants to know your exact location at all times.
  2. Your partner gets upset when you hang out with friends without them.
  3. Your partner checks your phone without asking.
  4. Your partner trusts you to go on a trip with friends without constant check-ins.
  5. Your partner gets jealous when you talk to attractive people.
  6. Your partner accuses you of cheating with little to no evidence.
  7. Your partner is comfortable with you having close friends of another gender.
  8. Your partner demands your social media passwords.
  9. Your partner believes you without needing proof when you explain something.
  10. Your partner monitors who likes your posts online.
  11. Your partner gives you the silent treatment after an argument.
  12. Your partner is willing to apologize first, even when it's hard.

Round 2

Relationship behaviors

  1. Your partner listens without interrupting when you're upset.
  2. Your partner brings up old fights during new arguments.
  3. Your partner walks away mid-argument without any explanation.
  4. Your partner asks clarifying questions instead of assuming the worst.
  5. Your partner raises their voice or yells during disagreements.
  6. Your partner is willing to compromise during disagreements.
  7. Your partner shuts down and refuses to talk when they're upset.
  8. Your partner checks in with you the next day after a fight to make sure you're okay.
  9. Your partner respects it when you say you need alone time.
  10. Your partner makes fun of you in front of other people.
  11. Your partner dismisses your feelings as 'overreacting.'
  12. Your partner asks before making plans that involve you.

Round 3

Relationship behaviors

  1. Your partner keeps pushing after you've already said no to something.
  2. Your partner remembers and respects the things that make you uncomfortable.
  3. Your partner mocks your interests or hobbies.
  4. Your partner encourages you to say no when you don't want to do something.
  5. Your partner pressures you to change how you dress.
  6. Your partner supports your right to disagree with them in public.
  7. Your partner encourages you to keep your own hobbies and interests.
  8. Your partner tries to distance you from your close friends.
  9. Your partner is friendly with your friends without trying to replace them.
  10. Your partner gets upset when you make plans without them.
  11. Your partner supports you spending a weekend away with friends.
  12. Your partner keeps track of how much time you spend with other people.

Round 4

Relationship behaviors

  1. Your partner has their own separate friend group and social life.
  2. Your partner guilt-trips you for wanting time alone.
  3. Your partner is genuinely happy when you succeed at something without their help.
  4. Your partner has slowly distanced you from your own family over time.
  5. Your partner is transparent with you about their spending and debts.
  6. Your partner controls all the shared money without discussing it with you.
  7. Your partner supports your financial goals, even if they're different from theirs.
  8. Your partner uses money as a way to control your decisions.
  9. Your partner is willing to talk openly about finances without getting defensive.
  10. Your partner hides purchases or debts from you.
  11. Your partner respects your right to have your own separate savings.
  12. Your partner keeps score of who paid for what in the relationship.

Round 5

Relationship behaviors

  1. Your partner is generous without expecting something in return.
  2. Your partner pressures you into financial decisions you're not comfortable with.
  3. Your partner makes a real effort to get along with your family.
  4. Your partner badmouths your family to you on a regular basis.
  5. Your partner is respectful toward your friends, even the ones they don't love.
  6. Your partner tries to make you choose between them and your family.
  7. Your partner includes you in decisions involving their own family.
  8. Your partner avoids your family gatherings without ever discussing it with you.
  9. Your partner speaks kindly about you to their friends and family.
  10. Your partner lets their family disrespect you without stepping in.
  11. Your partner is willing to set boundaries with their own parents when it's needed.
  12. Your partner compares you negatively to their family members or exes.

Round 6

Relationship behaviors

  1. Your partner respects it when you're not in the mood for intimacy.
  2. Your partner pressures you into physical intimacy you don't want.
  3. Your partner is affectionate with you in ways that feel genuine, not just for show.
  4. Your partner makes you feel guilty for not wanting sex.
  5. Your partner checks in about what you're comfortable with, physically.
  6. Your partner uses intimacy as a reward or a punishment.
  7. Your partner is comfortable talking openly about needs and boundaries.
  8. Your partner shames you for your body or your past experiences.
  9. Your partner shows affection consistently, not just after a conflict.
  10. Your partner withholds affection to punish you after a disagreement.
  11. Your partner celebrates your wins, even when they don't directly benefit them.
  12. Your partner competes with you instead of supporting you.

Round 7

Relationship behaviors

  1. Your partner encourages you to pursue a new job or opportunity.
  2. Your partner discourages you from bettering yourself.
  3. Your partner shows up for the things that matter to you.
  4. Your partner mocks your goals or dreams as unrealistic.
  5. Your partner is proud to introduce you to new people in their life.
  6. Your partner minimizes your achievements in front of other people.
  7. Your partner supports you going to therapy or working on yourself.
  8. Your partner makes you feel like a burden when you need support.
  9. Your partner is honest with you, even when the truth is uncomfortable.
  10. Your partner lies about small things that don't even matter.
  11. Your partner has nothing to hide when you ask them direct questions.
  12. Your partner keeps secret conversations or accounts hidden from you.

Round 8

Relationship behaviors

  1. Your partner admits when they're wrong.
  2. Your partner makes you doubt your own memory of things that happened.
  3. Your partner is consistent — their words and their actions match.
  4. Your partner disappears for hours with no explanation, repeatedly.
  5. Your partner is upfront about their past relationships when you ask.
  6. Your partner deletes messages or clears search history to hide things.
  7. Your partner is willing to talk about the future of the relationship.
  8. Your partner avoids any conversation about commitment or labels.
  9. Your partner is consistent between what they promise and what they actually do.
  10. Your partner threatens to leave whenever there's a disagreement.
  11. Your partner includes you in long-term plans, like where to live.
  12. Your partner keeps you as a 'backup' option while seeing other people.

Red flags and green flags in a relationship

A red flag is a behavior that signals control, disrespect or a pattern that tends to get worse, like needing to know where you are at all times or guilt-tripping you for wanting time alone. A green flag is the opposite: a sign of respect and security, like being happy for your wins or respecting a no the first time.

Most people agree on the extremes. The interesting part is the middle, where one of you sees a red flag and the other sees normal behavior. Playing this together makes those differences easier to talk about before they turn into an argument.

When to talk to someone

This is a game, not an assessment. If your relationship has more red flags than you’re comfortable with, or you feel unsafe, talk to someone you trust. In the US you can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233, or text START to 88788.

Play the full version in Floom

This page holds 8 decks. The Floom app has 300+ quizzes in six formats: This or That, Would You Rather, Never Have I Ever, Who’s Most Likely, Is It Cheating and Red Flag or Green Flag. You each answer on your own iPhone, the results open together, and you get stats after every round. You can also write your own quizzes and answer a new daily question together.

Questions

What are common red flags in a relationship?

Controlling where you go and who you see, checking your phone without asking, guilt-tripping you for time alone, pressuring you about money or sex, and ignoring a no. Each round on this page mixes behaviors like these with green flags.

What are green flags in a relationship?

Listening without interrupting, respecting boundaries the first time, admitting when they’re wrong, keeping their own friends and life, and being genuinely happy when you succeed.

Is this game free?

Yes. Everything on this page is free and needs no sign-up. The Floom app is free to download too, and Floom Pro unlocks the full library of 300+ quizzes.

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